As women, we often give so much to others on a daily basis that it becomes second nature to put everyone else and their needs before our own. This is usually because it has been drilled into our heads that it is our duty to take care of everyone else and that we should feel satisfied and complete in this prominent role. No offense to the geniuses that created this societal “norm”, but I call CRAP to everything it stands for.
As the givers of life to the entire world, I think it’s ridiculous and irresponsible to give so much of ourselves to others and not give the same if not more love, time devotion and attention back to ourselves.
With the beloved Valentine’s Day coming up ever so quickly, it disturbs me that many people forget or simply are not aware of the importance to loving themselves first. And I’m not just talking about treating yourself by materialistic standards, but truly and utterly being in love with you.
To be in love with yourself means putting yourself first. It means making sure your emotional, physical and spiritual wellness is in tact. It requires checking in with yourself regularly and not feeling ashamed in doing so throughout the process.
To illustrate this point with my clients, I often use the scenario of general car maintenance 101. When we take care of our cars to the full extent, they usually ride pretty well. The tires are rotated often, the oil is changed regularly, the transmission is in good condition and when given a tune up the car can ride as it did when you first drove it off the lot.
However, when our ball joints are out of whack, the brakes begin to squeal and are hard to control, you blow a tired or the headlights go out you maybe nervous to drive your car down the street, let alone go a long distance in it. This is the same concept when don’t place ourselves on our own priority list. It as though our love tank is on empty, yet we try to operate like we are on full.
When we don't take care of ourselves regularly, those that need and require our attention do not get us at our best. They only get the remnants of what’s left of us. This includes our families, friends, partners, jobs, social activities and so much more.
If you notice, when you're not at your best, it effects almost every aspect of your life. Now with the many hats we as women wear, let’s be clear that putting yourself first can seem like a far fetched plan. However, I would challenge you to see it from the perspective that it is the vital ingredient to maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself that ultimately affects your relationships with others.
And we must remove the stigma that it is selfish to love ourselves fully and wholeheartedly. It is not arrogant or a form of conceit. It is simply being secure with one’s self to accept and love every bit of the person you are currently and the person you're still evolving to become. And with that same declaration, make no apologies of realizing the necessity of loving yourself with the utmost respect.
Truthfully, when you begin to fall in love with yourself there are certain requirements you hold yourself too that forces others to have no choice, but to treat you with that same respect.
Now in many cases, when we begin to place ourselves first in our lives we may see a change in others behaviors. Unfamiliar of this new person, some people may reject this new concept of self love. This could be due to it requiring them and the dynamics of your relationship to change as well. Some people maybe all for you doing better for yourself until it affects their personal routine and/or perspective. They may even find ways to make you feel guilty in doing so. I urge to recognize that this is something they must adjust to and not you. It is not a form of disrespect or being malicious, it’s simply redirecting the negativity back to the person it came from in the first place.
Remember we teach people how to treat us by our own behaviors. So give yourself a friendly reminder of how beautiful, smart, poised, elegant, kind, gentle, assertive and wonderful person you truly are. With Valentines Day being this Saturday whether single, in a relationship, a situationship, being a friend, a mother or a daughter be your own Valentine first every single day of the year regardless. Simply because you deserve the best version of yourself at all times!
As always ladies, stay beautiful, blessed and divinely favored!