It wasn't exactly January 1st, but definitely some where around this timeframe.
One night I was in my apartment crying my eyes out on how my New Year was starting out.
For starters, I owed about $20k in debt that had to be paid by September of this year.
My car had broke down on me also requiring me to spend an additional $2k - that I didn’t have - to get it fixed and rent a car.
My long overdue new website and business altogether needed a facelift to match the new direction we were going in this year ended up costing me $2800 - which was a tough journey in itself, but overall was the best decision I could've ever made.
I started a new job that I thought would be a good reset to my career - which turned out to be even more stressful and challenging than my last job in every way imaginable.
And a little bit before 2016 could get here good, I had to cut personal & professional tides with friends I cared deeply about and didn't realize how extremely dependent on them I was within various aspects of my life until they were gone.
For someone that had declared and swore up and down that 2016 was going to be my year, things were not starting out as I had planned.
As a result, I allowed worry & stress to have emotional and physical effects on my body that led to my hair falling out in clumps, having panic attacks while driving to work & a whole lot of sleepless nights filled with tears.
It appeared the one who did the counseling needed to be counseled herself desperately!
But somewhere along the way I made the decision that I could spend the rest of my days just hoping for this year to come to an end - which I must admit I did - or I could make the decision to submit everything over to God and allow Him to carry and hopefully fix these burdens.
Matthew 6:25-27 says, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
Now, I’ve been saved for a good 18 years of my life and a therapist for a good 6.
You would think I would thoroughly understand this concept of submitting my burdens over to God and then applying the best coping skills to deal with my fears, anxiety, worries and panic…
Let’s just say, when you’re sitting on the other side of these “duh-like” moments, it is not always easy to incorporate what you already know into your own personal life.
I didn’t know it then, but this would be just the beginning of my journey of seeing how God would allow me to be broken down in order to be rebuilt in His image fully.
In 2016, I had and I am still learning how to more than anything TRUST that He will always protect, provide and care for me even when I don't believe I deserved it.