By nature I'm a fixer. It’s my best and sometimes my worst character trait. Whenever there's a problem, I try my hardest to find a solution. Now did I always consult God to help reveal or guide me in tackling these problems? Unfortunately, no not so much... I figured since I got myself in this mess, let me also in my own strength get myself out of it.
So clearly that was my first mistake. Half the time I was in panic mode and the other half I was coming up with these grand and lofty ideas that sound good to the ear, but honestly would never get off the ground. This was mainly because my ideas weren’t ground in anything, especially not my purpose for Hey Mz. Lady. I was purely operating in the fight or flight mindset literally in 50 million directions.
One thing I love and sometimes get frustrated with God about is that a lot of times He will allow you to ware yourself out until you ask Him for help or direction. Usually when I prayed during that time, I was just telling God how sorry and disappointed in myself I was for even putting myself in this predicament. However, God gave me a gentle reminder that He had already forgiven me, but now it was time to forgive myself.
So after crying until it felt like all my tear ducts had dried out, I finally asked God to first fix everything and secondly give me clear direction for me to do my part in the process. Funny thing was with all the planning and ideas I came up with He literally told me to focus on one thing and one thing only this year.
“Lauren, I want you to host your first women's conference,”.
In my mind I'm thinking, is that it? No blogging, no events, no networking, no starting on the one project that I just knew would bring in extra income if I just marketed it right. No, none of that was necessary. He just wanted me to focus on this one task.
Truth be told, without me realizing how big of an undertaking this would be while working my already exahsuting job, getting this project off the ground was about the only extra thing my mindset could handle at that time anyway. And since I had gotten to the point where I was tired of crying and knocking my head against the wall doing things my way, I decided to surrender and submit to God's will to begin this journey.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
Knowing that this would be my very first business venture to the public, I really didn't know what to expect. But one thing I did know is that when God gives me specific instructions it's always attached to something bigger than I can fathom. Not to mention because I was desperate for God to turn my circumstances around I knew I needed to trust him wholeheartedly and give Him my ultimate blinded obedience...
In retrospect, I now truly see how God's way is usually quite simple, but It is us as His children that usually makes things more difficult then they need to be...