Just a couple of weeks ago I heard God specifically say to me, "You still don't trust me,”. Shocked and faking to be appalled that God was calling me out in such a bold way, I simply brought myself into admitting that He was absolutely right.
You see when it comes to trusting God with my business, no problem. When it comes to trusting God with my finances, no problem. But when it comes to trusting God with my heart, Houston we have a major problem.
Unbeknownst to me, over the years I've been placing various guards up surrounding my heart. I was open and friendly on the surface, but closed up on the inside. I learned to protect myself at all costs by becoming very cautious as too how much of the unknown I let come into my world whether good, bad or indifferent. Ultimately, trying to control my life in it’s entirety. But like I tell my clients all the time, while you block out the negative that has the potential to come into your life, you also block out the potential good as well.
Aye yai yai...
How did I get to this point?
Well for starters, when you leave a lot of unresolved issues floating around your life, eventually you have to give them the time, personal attention and space to fully explore them. Let's just say I'm at this point right now.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
Currently, I'm seeking out God asking Him to walk me through this process in order to heal me from past hurts and disappointments. Mind you, I'm now fully aware that this part of the process will possibly take some time. So for now, I'm remaining open and as patient as possible with God, but more so with myself.
I find myself again charting into unknown territory intentionally focusing on letting God mend the fragmented pieces of my heart regarding love, forgiveness and the possibilities of genuine change. After trying for so long to fix my heart on my own accord, I’m allowing myself to give God complete control of this process. Being 100% transparent, this freaks me out and is honestly pushing me all the way outside of my comfort zone. But if I desire to obtain everything God would have for me, then I have to be willing to make myself vulnerable to the One who makes all things brand new!
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.